


Old life

by Raz0reyes



Category: No Fandom, Original Work
Genre: Other, This is about me, based off real memories, personal, personal life - Freeform, to the best of my knowledge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-22
Updated: 2020-02-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 12:22:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 707
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22850098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raz0reyes/pseuds/Raz0reyes
Summary: Small or long writings about my past.
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

As a small child I would look up at the sky during fall, just after all the leaves have finished falling off the large oak tree in my backyard. Sitting under it I always thought that the bare branches reaching up against the pale gray sky where like cracks. Long and spindling, shaking in the breeze. I felt the sky may just crash down on me with so many cracks. Oh how right I was. How it all would eventually came crashing down.


	2. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yearning to return home will always be in the back of my mind and soul.

I miss my childhood home, my mother couldn’t wait to leave. She told me it was a place where bad things happened, where we were trapped, where we almost died together. So much pain and hurt was tied to that house, so she wanted to leave so badly she was miserable in that home where she was sick and bedridden. She thought I wanted to leave to. 

But I never wanted to. That house is still the only place I will ever call home, I remember the winter days with three feet of snow. I remember the beauty of the night sitting in the backyard looking up at the vast black sky. I remember some Christmas’s, the Halloween’s spent with my very best friends. I remember playing with them in the backyard, in the basement. So many wonderful memories I want to relive. That I long to touch and caress just once as if I was a child, somewhat pure again.

But I also remember the death, the fear, the pain we shared while living there. And yet I long to go back. I miss my home. I’m tired of moving. I’m sick of change. I want to go home. Even if that home reeks of evil and decay I know no other. I don’t want to.


	3. I knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a little more personal..

I knew something was wrong.

I knew something was wrong when I stepped out of my room, when I saw he wasn’t in his chair. He wasn’t in his bedroom either. I thought he may have gone out but something deep inside of my soul told me dont go into the garage. I just stared at the door with a deafening feeling of dread. I decided to make Mac and Cheese instead, ignoring the unfamiliar case on the kitchen table.

I stood at the stove, that feeling of unease growing and growing as I waited for the water to boil, feeling an odd sense of calm. I was stirring in my noodles when my mother came in, worriedly asking where grandpa was. I don’t recall if I said anything but I felt everything stop once she went down the hallway, her screaming not even catching me off guard to what I already knew.

He was dead. Slumped over in his mobile chair with blood pooling out of his chest. I didn’t look for too long, I hate that’s the last memory I have of him. My mother inconsolable while I stay numb, I didn’t know what to do. How does one prepare for their grandfather, or their father, to be found with a self inflected bullet wound to the heart? You don’t. You just experience and feel it. I didn’t feel it. But my Mac and cheese was soggy and bloated in the cold water long after the police left. I don’t think I’ve eaten it since.


	4. First death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s just a blur now.

I don’t remember much of that night.

But I do remember you said you would kill me if I didn’t tell my mother I was a liar. 

I wasn’t. 

I remember seeing the knife, barely. I was six, you hurt me, why was I being punished? Who gave you the right to kill me?

I remember locking myself in the bathroom, sobbing into your old flip phone to my mother who was an hour away from me. I can’t imagine how horrified she was. I don’t remember much more of that night but I think that’s when I really started to hate you. I think that’s when you actually killed me.

But I didn’t stay dead, I’m still here fucker. I’m not afraid you anymore. I never will be afraid again. If I die a second time I will die fearless, free, on my own terms. By my own hand.


End file.
